Drinkin' Beer and Wastin' Bullets by Luke Bryan

First impressions: Bryan’s lyrical style is akin to a third grader trying to rhyme (or a group of college kids when a 9 is pulled in Kings Cup). Out in the sticks and the squirrels and ticks/ Andy my 30-06, runnin’ out of Miller Lite. Like I said, amateur hour.

Bryan then brags about all he has because of his riches: a truck that you can put in park and the only dog in the world that doesn’t bark. Presumably the rest of his money went to high class alcohols and ammunition. He then says something peculiar: it’s a couple hours til dark, and he wishes one would walk by. Presumably, he is talking about a dog, as he just mentioned his. But in keeping with the level of this song, Bryan starts a new line and doesn’t elaborate at all. Further keeping in his 3rd-grade level style, Bryan says he might as well have left his gun in the gun rack. Nothing like disambiguation. If he had said “left my gun in the rack,” I’d be plum confused. Which rack? Iraq? Is this song about the war? No, because he said gun rack. Thank you Mr Bryan, your repetitive redundancy has stopped me from wild, and most likely incorrect, speculation. He finishes the stanza with a message for the kids: if you can’t find something to shoot, drink a lot of beer and make sure the only person who is sober enough to drive is your dog.

Bryan’s rhyming deteriorates further, until he is so drunk he resorts to rhyming exclusively within the lines. God knows if you took more than an hour to write a song and make things rhyme, it wouldn’t be fresh anymore. Always the business-savvy drunkard, Bryan pushes through to complete his ballads, not worrying about style, content, format, or length (this song is 3 verses long). Anyway, he is waiting for deer (of which there are none), shooting empty beer cans (which he misses), and talking to his baby, who is worried her mentally challenged boyfriend has wandered into someone’s corn field again. And, sure enough, he has. After making a baaad John Deer(e) pun, Bryan admits he is at a corn field, on his second box of bullets, and he is just glad he doesn’t have a boss. After consulting the experts, I have determined that Bryan should have been hunting in a soybean field, as corn grows high, ans when there’s lots of tall stuff in front of deer, it’s hard to shoot them.

The final unique line of this song “ain’t seen a big buck but it’s been a good day” exempliies this song and singer for me. First of all, with all the intra-line rhyming he’s done, he missed the most obvious rhyme of all. He hasn’t seen a buck, but he doesn’t give a [censored]? Also, he says he went out hunting, but all he has killed is a 12-pack of Miller Lite, but it’s still a good day. That’s completely ludicrous. That’s like an NBA superstar, we’ll call him LeGone, who decides not to try in the playoffs and saying “it’s a good day because I get to live in Miami next year with my friends.” NO. You failed. It’s not a good day. You tried to do something and completely failed, and now you’re trying to act like you really didn’t want it in the first place. If all you wanted to do was drink beer and shoot cans, be like every other redneck and do it from the kiddie pool in your back yard. Don’t go get smashed on someone’s farm then put your dog in the awkward spot of having to drive you home. He’s been drinking too, do you think it’s any safer to have an uninsured dog drive you home? Either Luke Bryan is the least responsible, least motivated hunter alive, or he is literally retarded. This leads me to believe he is not the former, and thus Luke Bryan is literally retarded.