First impressions: Gaga is at a club, where she has no service, and is apparently busy. Despite this, she is talking on the telephone to someone who called her earlier, while she was busy/without service. She is thus either a liar or has a magical phone. She clearly has service, because she can call him back, unless her new ESP powered iPhone just arrived. I don’t like two things: hippies and psychic-voodoo-santeria witchcraft, so I don’t like this song already.
She goes on to say that she can’t hear him, and this is due to her being "kinda busy". I know what she means. I really wanted to clean my apartment last week, but I was kinda busy sitting on the couch. There is no way she's going to be free enough to hear him. But the caller does not believe her, and presses further as to the nature of her business. She soon admits that the real reason she's too busy to talk to the caller is because her favorite song is going to play. It's not playing now, but it will soon, and she wants to be ready for when it does play. This is perfectly logical. You may be thinking "can't she just text him?" This question, too, is answered. She cannot, because she has a drink in her hand. As everyone knows, it is impossible to text with just one hand. Phones were not made to be used by anyone with less than 10 fingers, as to keep the undesirables from making calls. No one wants to hear the story of how you lost your arm. Again. Back to Lady. So far, her story checks out. As with any good negotiation, she makes a good counteroffer: make plans with her when she's not busy. Now she's almost busy, and her song is almost on, and it's way too much to ask to try to talk to her. Do you try to interview the resident right before it's almost the day before a speech? No. You don't.
Apparently, the caller does not accept the upcoming playing of Lady's favorite song as a valid reason for why she can't talk, and in her panic she comes up with these reasons: she doesn't want to think anymore, she doesn't want to talk anymore (the only valid reason given), she left her head and her heart on the dance floor, and she's sipping champagne. From this we can conclude that she refuses to use her brain, and her hand and heart are lost as well. She's losing all her major organs, and I can only assume that her liver is next by the amount of bub she drinks in this song alone. This seems like the subject for another song, though. We don't want to make this one too complicated and hard to understand. As a side note, I don't understand how she can drink champagne without her head, but can't figure out how to text with one hand.
Now Beyonce (Knowles) comes in to back her friend up. Apparently the incessant calls and/or texts have caused them both a great deal of heartache and stress. It is doubtful that they even got to enjoy their favorite song that was about to come on it a little bit. Beyonce's phone clearly has the same shortfalls as Lady's. There is no way to silence the calls, or block a number from calling her phone. There is also clearly no power button, and as a result she is constantly embarrassed by her blaring cellphone ringing all the time. Wouldn't it be a happy coincidence if her ringtone was Lady's favorite song? I think that'd make a perfect Lady Gaga song. She could call it "Ringtone," and it would have just as much substance as any of the other mindless drivel she produces. But I digress.
When it comes down to it, this song is really a cry for innovation in the telephone industry. Gaga uses the archaic term telephone, despite everyone else calling them "phones," "cellphones," "iPhones" etc. She artfully draws up the feelings of angst, anxiety, and sheer frustration that come to mind when we reminisce on when we used telephones, so long ago. Gaga needs a phone with many features currently unavailable on cellphones: a way to turn off the phone, so the night is not a disaster; a way to turn down the ringer on the telephone, perhaps with another feature where the phone could buzz or vibrate to signal an incoming call; a way to block incoming calls from a certain number; a way to text with one hand, maybe by installing a full keyboard or a way for one button to represent 3 or 4 letters. Though this technology is not on the horizon, maybe someday it will be here, and we can all just dance in bliss, without these disasters. After all, the Jetsons dared to dream, and now I live in a city above the clouds and commute in a hover-car. Is it really too much to ask to have our phones be dance-floor friendly?
No comments:
Post a Comment