First impression: what the fuck is this song about? From the first stanza we can see that she has a nice ass, he kills time (and is therefore a murderer), he "knocks her lights out", she has a nice ass (still), and he is training her for some kind of athletic event. She is also cold and hot simultaneously (crazy?! I know). This song seems to be a roller coaster already, I just hope I can hang on.
He now switches his tone, saying he likes the girl to walk toward him. This is in stark contrast to the first stanza, in which he said he likes to watch her leave. I don't know if he's dumb and forgot what he JUST SAID, or if this line is supposed to be in addition to his first statement. Only time will tell. Gudda Gudda (that's his name, I guess) now goes into a ramble more inane than his ridiculous name. In a series on non-sequiturs he ends with "grocery bag." We can only infer what he means, since this phrase is simply inserted at the end with no clue as to what it means. I have deduced that there are only two probable solutions: 1) he has murdered a woman (he already admitted to killing time and stealing love, so his rap sheet could be long), and is now carrying her around in a grocery bag or 2) he has purchased a woman, either by the hour or from a guy in an alley, and thus it is akin to his groceries, which he carries in a: Grocery Bag.`
Lloyd now takes over this mindless, aimless rant, and spouts off more slightly clever, very remedial similes and tried-and-failed pick up lines. He begins by addressing his object of affection as baby. good start. He then says he's stuck to her like glue. I think a more apt description is "I'm stuck to you with gross Hennessey-induced sweat, baby." He then says his room is the g-spot. He clearly could not find the g-spot, and thus decided to change the meaning of it all together to hide his shame. When all else has failed (which it most certainly has) he reverts back to one of the best pickup lines based on a cartoon ever created : you can call me Mr Flinstone, I can make your bed rock.
Having failed to get anywhere with Lloyd and Wayne, aka Dumb and Dumber, the duo tags in a female singer, Nicki Minaj. With a voice that is sure to send dogs running, Nicki renders a heartfelt, tear-inducing ballad. I weep for anyone who makes the mistake of talking to this girl. Not only does she clearly not know how to describe her sex life (putting your pussy on a guy's sideburns is not sexy/satisfying/remotely erotic. I don't care what your vagina has to say, so don't put it to my ear). The last lines are too dumb to reiterate, leading us to believe that the guys from stanzas one and two have now lowered their standards and are hitting on girls on the Special Olympics. Bestest is not a word! Anyone who took a third grade English class knows that best is the superlative. Like Nicki is the ShittiEST rapper ever and listening to her singing gives me the biggEST headache. The "est" implies it's the top, and there is thus no need to put a second "est" on the end, as in bestEST.
Drake takes over the mic, and his serenade reveals that he has also lowered the bar on physical attractiveness, having already taken the bar down as far as mental capacity goes. Drake would like a girl with a "sushi roll" which is hotter than wasabi. The heat is most likely the result of the many infections this fine, large woman has developed over the years. He races for her love. If he's racing her in a footraces, I bet he wins. He says he needs GPS to find her, presumably because the only way to find her is from an aerial view.
For Tyga, the next rapper in this sad, sad line, he doesn't even need a woman who is anything like him. She likes tanning, romancing, Oxygen, lotion, and roller coasters. He likes his friends (not in a gay way, though), ESPN (because he's straight, remember?). He likes taking naked pictures of this girl (again, he's straight, you know). The girl then spouts off some lines that have nothing to do with anything, indicating it is again Nicki Minaj singing, because no one else in the world is seriously this dumb.
The last singer, Jae Millz, goes for the "Ms Independent type." This go-girl gets mad when you call her gorgeous rather than flawless, and thinks that this makes her independent, not bitchy. We don't get much insight into this girl, as Millz focuses mainly on himself, and how he feels. This could spell trouble for any relationship these two may have, because no matter how independent she is, she still needs attention.
This song is clearly about the perils of the dating world, and how hard it is to find a girl who not only meets your ever-lowering standards, but will also respond to bad pickup lines and reward them with bedrocking. The song is really saying that true love is hard to find, and we all should compromise. Some compromise on their intillectual standards, while others are lax on physical attractiveness. Still others don't even need a girl who is like them in any way. Some people will relax all these needs and be willing to date Nicki Minaj. Taking a cue from Stephen Stills: "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with." Bedrock is simply a modern twist on a classic tale, just with more made-up words, incomplete thoughts, and inane ideas than normal.
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